Junior high students are now engaging in oral sex. Thank you, Mr. President.
2000-12-01

At the risk of allowing this to become the "immoral sexual acts column," I'm going to have to address another issue here. I didn't want to, believe me. But as much as I'd love to talk about something else, I can't ignore this.

I just read an article in USA Today ("For Many Teens, Oral Sex Doesn't Count," 11/16/00, p 1D). It's a lovely little piece about how increasing numbers of middle school students are engaging in oral sex. According to one poll, taken by a teen magazine, 80 percent of teens 14 and younger being virgins, but 25 percent reported having had oral sex.

Middle school students. You know, 7th and 8th grades-- 12, 13, 14 year olds.

The story says that they consider it something "fun" to do. It's a part of making out. It's "no big deal." Worst of all, they still consider themselves virgins. They don't consider oral sex to be a part of "having sex" at all.

Gee, I wonder where they would get an idea like that. This isn't the first I've heard of this. Confessors have been telling me for several years that they're hearing younger and younger kids confess to oral sex. My own written question and answer sessions in middle schools are yielding increasing numbers of questions about the morality of oral sex. So why is this happening? According to the article, there are several sources to blame. First and foremost, of course, is the Lewinsky scandal. The President of the United States himself told them (under oath, no less) that oral sex isn't sex. The article also blamed the media who, in the wake of the Lewinsky scandal, became much more open in discussing this particular practice. And finally, teens are doing this because they believe that it's "safe" sex. They know it can't result in pregnancy, so they figure there's no harm. Okay, so here's the scoop on oral sex. First of all, it's not "safe." It's true that pregnancy can't happen as a result. But sexually transmitted diseases can. Centers for Disease Control says that doctors around the country are reporting huge increases in oral herpes and gonorrhea of the throat among teenagers. You think that wouldn't mess up somebody's life? Think again.

Oral sex isn't emotionally "safe" either. According to the article, "The mentality is that oral sex is as far as you can go without maintaining any level of emotional attachment." Guess again. Emotional attachment in sexual activity happens partly as a result of the hormone oxytocin being secreted. Oxytocin isn't produced only in intercourse. It's produced in sexual arousal - in any "sexual" activity. Oral sex definitely qualifies. Oxytocin causes a strong emotional attachment to form - the kind that bonds two people together for a lifetime. It has no place in middle school relationships - or any other unmarried relationships.

Third, oral sex is anything but a mutually loving act. It is, in fact, very exploitive and degrading to the one performing the act- which, in these cases, is usually the girl. It's not something these girls want to do. They do it in an attempt to keep their boyfriends. But, in the process, they find themselves feeling used and degraded - which is, in fact, exactly what is happening. These girls are learning a horrible lesson about sex - that it's okay to allow themselves to be exploited sexually in order to please their boyfriends.

And finally, oral sex is a sin against chastity. I believe that this is where certain factions of the "abstinence" education movement may have fallen down on the job. In their enthusiasm to prevent teen pregnancy, they have often focused solely on that particular consequence of teen sexual activity. The unintended consequence has been that teens believe that any activity that doesn't cause pregnancy must be okay.

The chastity message is different. It says that sex speaks a language - the language of self-donation within the context of marriage - and that the entire language surrounding sexual activity must be saved for that context. Chastity is about love, about respecting the dignity of the other person in all circumstances. Any teenager who truly understands chastity would automatically recognize that oral sex is a serious sin against chastity. It is a particularly serious sin against the dignity of the person performing the act. It's not about love. It's about exploitation for personal satisfaction. But a teenager who only knows about the dangers of teen pregnancy is not nearly so likely to make that connection.

We have all - from the President on down - failed our teenagers. When we give them incomplete information about love, about respect, and about sexual morality, we leave gaping holes in their understanding of real respect. And, as we're seeing all too clearly, those gaps in understanding are leading to serious, serious damage.

Look, I know I'm probably going to get yet another flood of letters for naming and discussing yet another immoral sexual act in the pages of a Catholic publication. But I didn't believe I could afford to ignore this. I didn't believe that we could afford to ignore this. The media is talking about this. The president himself introduced the subject into the national discussion. Our teenagers are apparently hearing every word they say. And, if we don't act quickly, they're going to pay a very heavy price for it.

We, as the Church, need to add our voice to the mix- loudly, clearly and soon.