Real Love Incorporated - Articles » "No, Because I Love You"

I get to do my favorite "chore" tomorrow morning – I'm going to the printer to pick up our new brochure, "No, Because I Love You: An Open Letter to My Girlfriend."

As many of you may recall, I wrote a column a while back announcing the publication of "An Open Letter to My Future Husband," the first piece in the new Real Love Brochure Series. As I told you then, my goal with this series is to create beautiful, well-designed, inexpensive little tri-fold brochures that youth groups, churches, schools and pregnancy centers can distribute to every kid they see. (And, brochures that parents can distribute to their kids and every other kid who walks into their house.) And, most important, I've written these brochures to speak to kids' hearts, not just their heads.

Turns out that I was onto something. We initially printed 5000 copies of "An Open Letter to My Future Husband." And they're gone. Already. Sold out. (Don't worry – we've reprinted. I'm picking those up, too.) As soon as the "Future Husband" brochure came out, people were asking me when I would write a companion piece called "An Open Letter to My Future Wife." But I didn't want to do that. It seemed cheesy – kind of like stealing my own idea. Besides, I did the future husband thing for a reason – because it seemed like the best way to impress on young men the importance of waiting. I wasn't sure the reverse would be equally effective.

But I was thinking, as I frequently do, about young men and women and what motivates them toward sexual activity. I thought about how so many girls have come to equate teen sex with love. Their "love tanks" are so empty that they pressure their boyfriends for sex, thinking that "making love" will actually "make love" in their lives. They're starved for affirmation, and when a "good guy" actually turns them down, they take it as a personal rejection.

And then I thought of those "good guys," many of whom I've spoken with, who are completely befuddled by this rather upside-down turn of events, and have absolutely no idea how to respond.

And so, I thought, maybe the next brochure needs to give those good guys a voice. Maybe it needs to be an open letter to that girl, explaining that when he says "no," it's not because he doesn't love her. In fact, it's quite the opposite – he refrains from sexual activity because he loves her, and because he wants what is really best for her.

But this brochure does more than just give those guys a voice. It shows all guys why chastity, although difficult, is the only way to really love a woman. It shows women what men who respect them should say, and how they should act. It gives these women a standard for the type of men they should date, and the type of treatment they should expect.

Basically, it gives teens and single adults of both sexes an answer to "if you loved me, you'd have sex with me."

But don't take my word for it. Here's an excerpt from the brochure:

One of two things is going to happen to us. Either we'll marry each other, or we'll break up. If we get married, we'll have the rest of our lives to give ourselves to each other sexually. And if we break up, that "past" could only complicate things, for ourselves as well as for our future marriages. It couldn't help us.

So if I don't "respond" to you, don't think it's because you're not attractive to me. It's because you're so attractive to me, and the desire is a lot stronger than you know. I can't "get started" with you, because if I let the desire get stronger, it'd be too easy to do something we'd both regret.

I know your friends don't understand how I could love you and not "make love" to you. But I don't care.

If we did "do it", I'd be doing it for me. I'd be doing it because it feels good, and telling myself it's okay because I love you. But I wouldn't be loving you. I'd be putting you at risk. I'd be hurting you. I'd be using you and calling it love. That couldn't help us -- it could only hurt us. It could hurt you.

And hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do.

I'm very excited about this little piece. I think you will be, too. I hope you'll order it for the teens in your life.

It'll make a difference – I'm sure of it.

To order copies of "No, Because I Love You," go to www.reallove.net, or call Real Love, Inc. at 888 NO PIZZA (888-667-4992).


	"No, Because I Love You" Our new brochure helps guys tell their girlfriends that waiting is about loving July 27, 2004 I get to do my favorite "chore" tomorrow morning – I'm going to the printer to pick up our new brochure, "No, Because I Love You: An Open Letter to My Girlfriend." As many of you may recall, I wrote a column a while back announcing the publication of "An Open Letter to My Future Husband," the first piece in the new Real Love Brochure Series. As I told you then, my goal with this series is to create beautiful, well-designed, inexpensive little tri-fold brochures that youth groups, churches, schools and pregnancy centers can distribute to every kid they see. (And, brochures that parents can distribute to their kids and every other kid who walks into their house.) And, most important, I've written these brochures to speak to kids' hearts, not just their heads. Turns out that I was onto something. We initially printed 5000 copies of "An Open Letter to My Future Husband." And they're gone. Already. Sold out. (Don't worry – we've reprinted. I'm picking those up, too.) As soon as the "Future Husband" brochure came out, people were asking me when I would write a companion piece called "An Open Letter to My Future Wife." But I didn't want to do that. It seemed cheesy – kind of like stealing my own idea. Besides, I did the future husband thing for a reason – because it seemed like the best way to impress on young men the importance of waiting. I wasn't sure the reverse would be equally effective. But I was thinking, as I frequently do, about young men and women and what motivates them toward sexual activity. I thought about how so many girls have come to equate teen sex with love. Their "love tanks" are so empty that they pressure their boyfriends for sex, thinking that "making love" will actually "make love" in their lives. They're starved for affirmation, and when a "good guy" actually turns them down, they take it as a personal rejection. And then I thought of those "good guys," many of whom I've spoken with, who are completely befuddled by this rather upside-down turn of events, and have absolutely no idea how to respond. And so, I thought, maybe the next brochure needs to give those good guys a voice. Maybe it needs to be an open letter to that girl, explaining that when he says "no," it's not because he doesn't love her. In fact, it's quite the opposite – he refrains from sexual activity because he loves her, and because he wants what is really best for her. But this brochure does more than just give those guys a voice. It shows all guys why chastity, although difficult, is the only way to really love a woman. It shows women what men who respect them should say, and how they should act. It gives these women a standard for the type of men they should date, and the type of treatment they should expect. Basically, it gives teens and single adults of both sexes an answer to "if you loved me, you'd have sex with me." But don't take my word for it. Here's an excerpt from the brochure: One of two things is going to happen to us. Either we'll marry each other, or we'll break up. If we get married, we'll have the rest of our lives to give ourselves to each other sexually. And if we break up, that "past" could only complicate things, for ourselves as well as for our future marriages. It couldn't help us. So if I don't "respond" to you, don't think it's because you're not attractive to me. It's because you're so attractive to me, and the desire is a lot stronger than you know. I can't "get started" with you, because if I let the desire get stronger, it'd be too easy to do something we'd both regret. I know your friends don't understand how I could love you and not "make love" to you. But I don't care. If we did "do it", I'd be doing it for me. I'd be doing it because it feels good, and telling myself it's okay because I love you. But I wouldn't be loving you. I'd be putting you at risk. I'd be hurting you. I'd be using you and calling it love. That couldn't help us -- it could only hurt us. It could hurt you. And hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do. I'm very excited about this little piece. I think you will be, too. I hope you'll order it for the teens in your life. It'll make a difference – I'm sure of it. To order copies of "No, Because I Love You," go to www.reallove.net, or call Real Love, Inc. at 888 NO PIZZA (888-667-4992).